When you were alive in my tummy, your big sister sang made up
lullabies every night and sang them to you before she went to sleep, about all
the things she was going to teach you when you were born. She would draw
pictures on my belly for you and stick little pieces of food in my bellybutton
for you to eat. She insisted that I swallow toys so that you would have
something to play with. Now that you're gone, she still talks about you every
night and asks me questions about you before we go to sleep. Your first
angelversary is coming up on 10/25 and she wants to put presents in balloons
and send them up to you in Heaven. She is worried that you won't be able to
have a good birthday party there without your family. This will be the first of
many of your birthdays that we will celebrate - you are remembered at every
holiday with candles and drawings your big sister continues to make you. I make
sure to say your name out loud and look at your pictures every day. I have
learned now to trust my instincts more and my body less.
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